Consent is key. No matter what kink or fetish we talk about consent is always key. When engaging with cuckolding, everyone’s consent is needed. The bull needs to consent to this being a relationship of passion and friendship but never romantic partnership. The cuckoldress consents to taking her bull and sharing that experience with her cuckold in anyway she wishes. The cuckold consents to this dynamic and willingly wants his wife to fuck another man. Consent consent CONSENT. I really cannot say that enough times.
The easiest way to know what everyone consents to is to talk about it. Sit down over some coffee and have it out before you get into it. Set your hard boundaries, they might be as simple you never want your hair to be pulled or on the extreme side of the spectrum. Within the bounds of consenting mentally capable adults there is nothing that should be out of bounds, as long as everyone involved consents. Because of this you also need a safe word incase in the heat of the moment you need a hard stop. Mine is squirrel because if you’re saying squirrel in the bedroom, either it’s your safe word and you should stop, or there’s a squirrel running around and you should stop. Once you are all on board the Consent Train to Pleasuretown a really interesting dynamic to play with is power and control.
(Side Note: I am by no means an expert on any of this. I have never done any research on sexuality and everything around this topic is my personal feelings on the topic and how I categorize it. I hope its helpful but I appreciate any feedback.)
Power and control in a cuckolding relationship can be done in any number of ways. The cuckold can be dominant and masculine and lead his cuckoldress down this path. The cuckold can also submit to his cuckoldress and the bull and this submission will be my focus for this article.
Submission can be a beautiful thing. When you willingly give someone else control of yourself, when you give someone the power to play with you like a toy, it can be exhilarating. It is a freeing and liberating experience to give yourself up to another. It builds a sexual tension as you forgo your own desires and can be a deep part of cuckolding. When the cuckold submits to his cuckoldress he is showing her his devotion. He will explore the depths of control she wishes to wield over him and enthusiastically bend the knee.
There is a certain strength to submission. For me I feel powerful in being powerless. In accepting that I have a strong and sexy woman who knows what she wants and takes it, in submitting to her sexual desires and giving up a claim on my own gratification, I find myself strong enough to endure with the internal torment and because the pain doesn’t kill me, I come out the other side of it stronger. I feel power in holding back my masculine sexuality to have the privilege to submit to the female bliss, to worship my goddess. I know what I am submitting to is worthy of my devotion and so I accept its calling and don my armor and courageously enter the battle fully aware and prepared for any consequence and sacrifice I must make for the light in my life, for the fire in my soul, for my voracious and voluptuous vixen, for the woman I am lucky enough to call my own.
Levels of Submission:
I see the levels of cuckolding can boil down to the following categories. These however are not hard lines. You can fine yourself going from one extreme to the other and back again in a single night or you and your partner might only be comfortable at one level or another. Again that is always okay consent is key, so lets break down these levels.
- Tease: Teasing is the beginning of submission. Every couple incorporates tease into their play I would argue. If she lightly brushes his pants at the store, he lightly grabbers her butt while she’s doing dishes, or if she just gives him the stair while at a PTA meeting like she cant wait to leave and fuck, these are all aspects of the tease. It is a subtle level of submission where you allow your partner to turn you on when you can’t do anything about it. For cuckold couples, this can be expressed very erotically by barely doing a thing. The cuckoldress can squeeze her cuckold’s hand hard when she sees a man she’s attracted to walking down the street. She can send him provocative pictures while he’s at work, maybe a picture of her biting the key of her chastity cage. If there’s a music video that turns her on or a sports highlight real she can send that to her cuckold. When they are together at home she can wear his favorite sweatpants or sexy lingerie and say nothing about it, teasing him and putting the goods just out of reach, and when he comments on what she’s wearing she can ask what he thinks her bull would think of the outfit. All this tease will send any cuckold or stag wild.
- Denial: Denial is the next step level down into the Sea of Submission. If this is an ocean, teasing is playing in the sand and water by the beach. Denial is going out to the buoys, where your feet cant touch the sand anymore and you have to struggle a bit to stay afloat. Sexual denial is about holding back gratification so it can build and build upon itself. It is a really simple concept that can have a massive impact on your relationship. Denial differs in the tease in that there is a greater power separation. In cuckolding the woman is controlling her man and denying his sexual gratification and controlling it. Denial is different in teasing in that a tease almost always is a prelude to sexual gratification, denial may not. Denial also incorporates edge play quite a bit, which is the concept of going to the brink of orgasm and then stopping, pulling back, holding off until you can start from scratch again to build and build the sexual frustration. When a cuckold consents to denial he is giving control of his sexuality to his cuckoldress. By giving this control to her he shares a deep emotional connection with her, he makes any orgasm he has contingent on her desire for it. This is a good place to start to incorporate chastity. You can have chastity with just teasing but using it for denial takes it up a notch. By making his cuckoldress also his key holder, he not only makes every orgasm subject to her approval, but every erection. Every time he gets hard at work or while driving the cage will squeeze him and remind him his sexual pleasure is only there to serve his woman. She can tease him all day by sending pictures of the key in her cleavage and asking how is cock aches for her, she can crank it up to denial by telling him how long he’s going to have to wait and that he better get the lawn done and wash the car or he has to stay locked tonight. Denial can also be done in the heat of the moment uncaged. She can be on her knees with his rock hard cock down her throat and she can slowly stop, take that cock out of her mouth, and sensually kiss his inner thighs and hips and make him ache for her mouth. She can tell him know not yet as they hear a knock on the door and her big black bull walks in. Most cuckold couples I have talked to incorporate denial at this level at least. The bull gets his cock satisfied while the cuck is denied until he leaves. This allows the cuckold to focus on watching his woman getting pleasure from her bull and also includes aspects of voyeurism so the cuckold can be denied while he watches.
- Humiliation: The line between tease and denial can be very murky. There is a lot of overlap and I assume most cuckold couples incorporate both to varying degrees. However when we get to humiliation the line becomes much easier to draw. To use our Sea of Submission analogy again, Humiliation is going past the buoys and going into open ocean and swimming with no land and sight, its dangerous out here. Tease and humiliation are still at the beach, humiliation is being in open water. No matter what happens at the beach there is always a life guard there and you can always see the beach and it’s safe. Being in the open water you are at the mercy of the ocean itself and you can get hurt by the waves or any monsters lurking in the water below you. You stare down into the abyss and see no end just darkness hiding who knows what. Not every couple can get to this level, but if you do it can unlock new sensations for both of you. In cuckolding the humiliation refers to when the tease and denial becomes about the man’s inadequacies. The cuckold is not denied sex just because her bull is bigger, but because the cuckold is so small. There can be an inferiority superiority complex going on especially in the interracial cuckolding. The cuckold is a weak white boi with a penis and the bull is a strong black man with a cock. The cuckoldress torments the cuckold about any differences he has between the bull and the bull may even get in on the humiliation. If this is starting to seem mean remember, this is consensual, the cuckold wants this. In the same way a girl wants to have her ass spanked and hair pulled to use that pain to add to her pleasure, the cuckold wants to feel the pain of his insecurities to add to his sexual pleasure. Also by heightening the difference between the cuckold and bull, the cuckold feels a greater appreciation and admiration for his cuckoldress. He wants to serve her more because she can get such sexually superior men and he feels even luckier at the fact that despite her knowing, taking, and loving the stronger better cock she chooses the cuckold to build a life and have a partnership. Humiliation can be most sexiest after the act, when the cuckold is at a family dinner looking into his wife’s eyes and remembering all the wild stuff that they can get up to but being satisfied in being able to not just be her sex toy, but to be her partner in life. There is an aspect of masochism in humiliation as the cuckold accepts all the pain as fuel for his pleasure. Rather than a certain act itself being humiliating, the context can make it humiliating.
- Domination: You are away from the beach, you are in the open ocean. There are no boats or birds or fish anywhere in sight. You feel yourself helpless, this situation is dangerous, and then you feel a pull. You sink down deeper and deeper into the abyss. You cant breathe but as you hold your breathe and try to fight it you feel the power take over you. You let out your breathe, you feel your body involuntarily try to breathe as your brain goes numb. You let your body an the forces around it completely direct you. You submit completely, you succumb fully to the force controlling you, you are dominated. Domination is taking humiliation to the next level. Just like how teasing and denial are murky with being defined, so is humiliation and domination. What I think truly separates domination is that it is a complete surrender. Compared to our Sea of Submission analogy, all other levels you are keeping your head above water, this is your ego maintaining itself and riding the edge where you start to shake it but never make it topple over. Domination is where that comes crashing down. Domination takes your ego and demolishes it. By smashing your ego to pieces you paradoxically can get a rush of freedom. You no longer have to think about anything, the decisions are made by those who control you. The burden of choice and responsibility is lifted from you, you give up your control on everything even your very breath as you sink into the abyss and accept the water filling your lungs as you become one with the ocean. There is no more separation between you and the sea and you are a part of it now, it has invaded all of your most intimate parts and stripped away that which makes you an individual so that you can be a part of something bigger than yourself. Domination in cuckolding can go very deep. Just like humiliation its is about the context of what you are doing rather than the simple act. A cuckold being dominated would be watching his cuckoldress take a huge cock without thinking about getting unlocked later. The cuckoldress may even forgo sex completely with her cuckold. She may make him her pussy free boi toy and he will get off on being lucky enough to call her his wife even though she only wants sex from other more hung men. He is completely a part of her, a tool she keeps in her purse, but the cuckold has completely lost himself.
Okay we went deep there, come back up for air. It is important to note, you can always come back from air, you can always find the shore and swim to it and even get out of the water if you wish. Again these are not hard lines, you may incorporate different aspects of each of theses level of submission however you choose. By focusing on consent you realized you are not doing any of this to hurt your partner but because you love them. You are not slapping your women on the ass or in the face after she is gagging on your cock to assault her, but because she told you that makes her pussy wet. Likewise the cuckoldress is only dominating and humiliating the cuckold because he likes that. She is denying him and teasing him and making him edge out in his cage because she knows that torment will bring up a load she can’t wait to milk out of him. She knows that by accepting this control, by accepting the power he is bestowing upon her, she is in control to be the most sexually savage woman she wants and he will only love her more for it.
Power and control are really fun dynamics to play with in cuckolding. Everything I talked about also works in the reverse. A cuckold can tease his cuckoldress and squeeze her hand when a strong bull walks by, he can deny her pussy and make it ache for another mans cock or his tongue, he can humiliate her and call her a whore and a slut, or he can completely dominate her and tie her up and let hordes of men use his cuckoldress like a piece of meat – if she consents. Like everything in sex its always about consent and by exploring with your partner you can find a deeper level of connection. You trust that they will do anything for you and that you would do anything for them. The cuckold trusts his cuckoldress will always come back after her bulls and she trusts he will always find her only more attractive for embracing other men’s cock. The cuckold can submit to his cuckoldress’s sexuality, letting her dominate him as she is in turn dominated by the bull. She can truly have her cake and eat it too, and the cuckold is just happy to wipe the frosting off her face.
One thing is for sure, cuckolding is first and foremost about love and respect. If you love and respect your partner you are able to go deep into their sexuality and psyche, you are able to share everything. You can trust that you will both accept each other no matter what happens, if you make mistakes or cross lines, you are in this journey together for the long hall. Exploring the Sea of Submission together and finding sexual paradises along the way is what this lifestyle is all about.